Kreature the Butler
by Ethan Demas
Summary: An accident leads Kreature to become more like Alfred from Batman... with a few differences and some weirdness


**Its a parady of what would happed if a house elf got electricuted by a faulty TV when the cartoon version of Batman is playing and Alfred's personality gets imprinted on said House elf... yah... don't ask.**

Harry had seen his fair share of weird, he was bloody wizard for crying out loud. Yet none of his experiences had ever prepared him to meet the peculiar house elf, that was dressed like a butler with even wearing a monocle and its moustache was well groomed. Harry also noted what seemed to be a small silver gun attached to the elves hip that he only glimpsed because of the weirdness happening.

The elf dramatically pulled his cape in front of his face and stared at the people in front of him, the sound of jazz music started to play with a snap of the elf's fingers and the lights in the room dimmed.

"I am a creature of the night

You shall ran at the sight , Of my might!

My name is Kreature

Not to be mistaken with creature

My walk is savvy

And my bitches are curvy!"

The elf sang, moving swiftly across the room and giving Hermione and Ginny a saucy wink.

"Be prepared! BE PREPARED!

To have your desires fulfilled

Be prepared! BE PREPARED!

To have your wold set ablaze!"

The elf vanished in a shadow and reappeared on the chandelier.

"Welcome to the house of Black!" with that sang, he jumped from the chandelier and exploded into shadow, suddenly his voice came from behind them. "Visitors and honoured guests!" causing the teens to jump and the elf to smirk. Sirius upon his return to the house was quite stunned to find that the elf had demolished the old house and built a new one. Of course the demolition had been accidental, but none-the less it had been for the better.

The house was built with concrete and steel, unlike the other brick houses around his home. The house was quite large, three levels high and one below the ground with the entire house's heating and cooling was done with geothermal energy. The elf had also gone out of its way to make sure the house had the latest technology, with fibre optic internet and duel band Wi-Fi all along the house. There was even a gaming room that sported a 72 inch LED Smart tv that was connected to a PlayStation 4 and surround sounds.

At the back of the house was a little zen garden that led into a smaller area with a hot spring-like Jacuzzi, where the elf got the idea for this home, Sirius didn't know, but he was thanking whichever gods had gave him it. Even though the house was extremely modern, it also held a certain magical feel to it... Nobody could explain it, but there was this ambient flow of magic in the air they could almost taste, despite Kreature saying its the dehumidifier.

Space expansion charms also allowed the inside of the house to be a lot larger than the outside of it. Which is why there were 10 rooms in the house with each of them having a walk in closet that lead to their bathrooms. That was not to mention the library, indoor gym, potions lab, Kreatures room, the laundry and the guest room. Now that he thought about it, Sirius realised, this was not a house, it was a mansion.

"Master Sirius, Black sir! You march your sweat riddled body right into your bathroom for a bath right now!" The elf scolded when he spotted the man walking down stairs.

"I just wanted to-" Sirius began, but was abruptly cut off by the elf.

"What did I just tell you to do young Master Black?" he asked in a scolding tone, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.

"To go clean myself...?"

"And what are you doing at this very moment?"

"Standing here and talking to you?"

"Exactly, now hurry up and go bathe yourself, don't make me do it myself Master Black." The elf threatened.

Sirius sighed and walked back up stairs, glaring at everyone who caught his eye. Hermione was a little shocked at what she saw, an elf using technology, scolding wizards and even threatening them... Its like this elf was everything every other elf should have been like, but failed to become. It even seemed to have been able to blend technology in perfectly with the magic, allowing it to function normally if not better.

What she would like to know however was, how did this happen? Why was this house elf so different from the others? Where did he even learn about everything inside the house? Most importantly, why did the house elf walk around with a cell phone that interfaces with all the technology in the house? Said house elf appeared next to her and looked up at her face, a smile forming on his face.

"I can tell by your expression you have a lot of questions my dear. Lets move to the library and talk, I'll be more than happy to answer those questions." He said. "Master Harry and Master Ron, I have taken the liberty of buying some games for the PS4 that you might enjoy. It is connected with the internet and it has a PSN subscription if you want to play online. Please do call me if you need any assistance or want to buy something online."

"Uhm... Thank you?" Harry replied uncertainly.

"What's PS4 and what is the internet?" Ron asked Harry curiously, causing Kreature to stop dead in his tracks.

Turning around slowly with wide eyes and a look of horror on his face. "I can forgive you for not knowing about the PS4 since its only been around a few months, but the Internet?! Where have you been living?! In some kind of backwards society that uses quills instead of pens and letters instead of sms's? Well sms's are dying out, but still!"

At the confused look on Ron's face, Kreature knew he had to educate the boy, shaking his head. "No, this shall not do."

"TAJŪ KAGE BUSHIN NO JUTSU!" The elf yelled, his hands form an odd shape. Four puffs of smoke appeared around him, fading slowly to reveal four more of him.

"Now I'll explain everything to you Master Ron while I take Master Harry to the gaming room and Lady Hermione to the library." The clones explained talking at the same time as the original. "Ginny I shall be taking on her own to get caught up with modern society while the rest of prepares for the arrival of the others."

At age 16 Ron discovered the internet, cell phones, gaming and most importantly television. How he had lived without those things in his live, he would never know, but now that he does have those things in his life, he isn't about to give them up for anything, and luckily Kreature knows how to make technology bypass any barriers that caused them to not work.

 **Hope you guys liked that. Haha lol**


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